I’m about folks dealing with their issues, letting go of their demons, and moving on with their lives. I think it’s one of the healthiest things we as humans can do for ourselves outside of talking and fellowshipping with God. If you’ve never heard of Iyanla, she’s a life counselor (or at least that’s what I call her) who has a show on O.W.N. where she is invited by different people to help them fix their lives and work through their issues. Now I do realize since she’s doing this on TV it has an exploitative element to it; but after watching a couple episodes I believe she’s doing more good than harm in most of these people’s lives and honestly watching her talk to a son whose father wasn’t good to him I learned a few things I need to do to realign a few broken relationships in my life. Not gonna lie, once folks have their breakthroughs on Iyanla Fix My Life I be like this (after I stop weeping from joy and struggle):
Granted, Iyanla isn’t for everyone, she does talk in abstracts and calls folks beloved and uses a lot of metaphors and spiritual discussion and I know that may annoy some people (i.e. my mama, folks who hate green smoothie drinking, tea sipping people who sit on lawns and meditate) but I think she really does help folks rectify brokenness in their lives. Well since she’s famous, and I know she wouldn’t come fix my life if I asked her anyways, I decided to make a list of things I do to keep myself centered and balanced and healthy and away from sitting by the dock of the bay, sipping a forty, while shouting my sorrow to the ducks swimming by. I’m sure some of these seem common sense but you probably already know a lot of things make sense in theory and are completely MIA when it comes to enacting them in practice.
Get Out of the Habit of Speaking About Things I Really Don’t Know Anything About
I’ve always said that I do this but not until recently have I taken this more seriously. Since I’m in graduate school I spend most of my time writing papers and making arguments that have to be validated by some sort of credibility. I’ve learned that you really do need concrete support for everything you speak out into the universe or else you’ll get dragged for filth when someone challenges you.
“Women shouldn’t walk out alone at night because it’s dangerous and they need men to protect them otherwise they’ll get attacked and die.”
This statement is probably said with all good intentions but statistics show that women are way more likely to get attacked in the home by someone they know than they are to be randomly assaulted and murdered on the street. Men are more likely to be attacked in public space.
Also, don’t make brash generalizations based on something some one guy in your class or some woman on this one blog said without researching it to see if its true. If you don’t know anything about mid-twentieth century Islam in Iran don’t say anything about mid-twentieth century Islam in Iran. Hearsay is the language of the uninformed. Don’t be uninformed, we have way too much access to information for folks to be walking around ignorant. Also, people have an opinion about everything and folks have no problem sharing that opinion or why they believe your statement is wrong with you and you need to be able to back up everything you say. So if you posted some statistic on Facebook or some controversial opinion/belief you have, be prepared to defend your statement.
Going To Peaceful Places Frequently
I love the park. And the ocean. And really peaceful places in nature. Going to these places really help me just relax and get a better view on life. Also it gives me an opportunity to view God’s greatest work, nature, and it reminds of all the pleasant and beautiful things in life. I never feel free-er than when I’m sitting on my balcony with the breeze caressing my face while I’m sipping on a delicious green smoothie. Sometimes peaceful places aren’t all that quiet.
Back when I still lived at home in NOLA, I used to love sitting on my front porch during a huge festival called Jazz Fest. All the businesses around my house would have their radios and speakers outside and there was all kinds of music blaring from everywhere and there were people walking to and fro sipping daiquiris and enjoying themselves. That place was just as peaceful and relaxing as sitting in the forest (and yes Black folks do like forests and water and nature and stuff).
Not Dismissing Folks
I have a HORRID habit of completely ignoring and dismissing folks once I’ve decide they are no longer worthy of my attention. And that’s bad. You can’t just silence folks because you just decided you don’t want to bothered with them anymore. Silencing people is a powerful thing and it’s harmful. Now if someone is rude to me or is dragging on a disagreement that won’t be resolved any time soon then I find it best to say “look we’re clearly not getting anything new accomplished here so we need to just agree to disagree” and leave it at that. Now if they keep going, well that’s they’re problem but I find it that people appreciate it when you hear them out and just sit and listen to them for a bit.
I also found that you HAVE to give folks multiple chances (unless they are unapologetically racist, sexist, elitist, blasphemous, etc.) to express themselves. Just because someone once said something you didn’t like or a couple of years ago did something that rubbed you the wrong way doesn’t mean everything they say or do is completely wrong or stupid. Humans are multi-dimensional and folks make mistakes, you gotta give folks a chance before you completely write them off.
Taking Proper Care of My Body
This one is pretty obvious but I recently started being very intentional about what goes into my body and how I treat it and the results are INSANE. I feel better overall, I now know what works to give me energy and I’m actually much better at focusing my energies on one thing. This past week I had two 15 page minimum papers due and a final to take on the same day. Three different things due on the same day and you think I stressed? Heck no I didn’t, I simply kept exercising, drinking my green smoothies, taking some time to let my brain relax and I was able to get everything done with little to no stress. Anxiety is unhealthy. You will give your body all kinds of unnecessary problems.
Receive Compliments With Open Arms
I think I’ve been socialized to appear humble when receiving compliments and say things like “oh no, it’s not really me” or ”oh it’s really no big deal” when someone compliments my work or my looks. And as a nice as that may seem, I think it does more harm than good. It makes it seem like you don’t think you deserve the compliment plus it slick dismisses the person giving it. Unless you truly are unworthy of the compliment because you stole the idea or someone else did it. For example, if you are in art class and you just so happen to be standing in front of a work of art with a paintbrush in your hand because you were headed to the other side of the room to work on your own ‘not as awesome’ piece of art and then someone walks past and says “Hey great work of art, you are brilliant and should be given a plethora of awards for your brilliance” This is an situation where you get to deny a compliment. Otherwise, just take the compliment.
This doesn’t mean you have to do a victory lap every single time someone gives you the slightest compliment. Don’t be this guy.
Otherwise say thank you, take the compliment, and accept the little confidence boost and keep it moving. It’s much simpler than feigning humility or denying the brilliance that is inside of you. Because we are all brilliant if you didn’t know it.
Rejecting Other Folks Negativity
I am not worrier! I hate being around worrier. Especially people who just love to sit and talk about how much anxiety they have and why everything in your life is falling into a cataclysm of self-destruction. Also, there are people who will believe you are going to fail no matter what you do. Those people get this from me…
I refuse to indulge anxiety or entertaining anyone stomping on my dreams. It’s unhealthy and CONTAGIOUS and literally produces nothing! Even Jesus spoke against worrying when he sad “Can any one of you add a single hour to your life by worrying?” You produce nothing by just sitting and worrying, you just gotta go and do whatever is freaking you out and get it out the way. Otherwise you will just give yourself a migraine and still not have done anything productive.
Well that’s it! Any other tips you have to keep yourself centered and in your zen? I’d love to hear them!
P.S. I am now actually using my Youtube channel so go check that out too! Right now there’s hair and makeup stuff, because I love those things, but don’t fear there will soon be some current events/ponderings videos also so I’d love your support!! If you like what you see, then subscribe, tell your friends, and like my videos. If you don’t like what you see well, just don’t say anything..at all. -_-
Peace and Love,
-Bri aka Briizy aka @kewl_briize aka msbribap on Instagram and Brini Weenie
“All of the people saw it. Then they fell down flat with their faces toward the ground. They cried out,”The Lord is the one and only God! The Lord is the one and only God!”-1 Kings 18:39